soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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