She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
