Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize