Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
