every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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