THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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