Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
