Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize