I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
