Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
