btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
