dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
