You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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