We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
