Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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