There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
