used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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