Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
