well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
