thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
