I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
