turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You are the jesus of drinking
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
