at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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