Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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