the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
