I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
