I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
