my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
