How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
