Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just had sex on a roof
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
