some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
