if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
