There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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