does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
