i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
