she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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