I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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