I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You smell like stripper and shame
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
