i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
