If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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