I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
