I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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