I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
