It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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