pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
