i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
