New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
