He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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