May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
