For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
