why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
