you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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