I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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