put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
