Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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