I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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