There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
