he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
