Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry sweetwillis hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(402): View more from Nebraska

I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!

Fav 13 956 6008
share tweet
(901): View more from Tennessee

god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.

Fav 29 5247 1860
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(308): View more from Nebraska

Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.

Fav 20 8247 1068
share tweet
(601): View more from Mississippi

Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(

Fav 34 2578 5202
share tweet
(706): View more from Georgia

Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.

Fav 11 7752 1739
share tweet
(847): View more from Illinois

Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa

Fav 2 2423 1185
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(916): View more from California

when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.

Fav 13 1343 3272
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(423): View more from Tennessee

A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.

Fav 0 1184 579
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(212): View more from New York

I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.

Fav 0 75 23
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT