Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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