How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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