the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She said her name was "party"
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
