he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
