Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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