i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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