I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
