Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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