I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
