You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
