ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
